


subterfuge

by fan_nerd



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Building Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 10:56:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8575627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fan_nerd/pseuds/fan_nerd
Summary: They reach the greatest heights when they agree to fall together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> cries one single tear @ ep 7 :')
> 
> (ps this is a hot ass mess im sor ry,,,)

Victor lives in fear.

He lives in a world where he has to smile, where he has to charm. There are women he takes home to keep up appearances. He rarely has sex with them, much to their disappointment - he can barely gather the energy to touch them. When he _does_ , he doesn't talk to them afterwards. He's afraid of what he might say if he were to get too close to them.

The view outside of his overly extravagant high-rise is beautiful. Snow dusts the roofs of the colorful buildings in St. Petersburg. Below on the streets, people chat and briskly park their bicycles. Some of the alleys are dingy, but it's the city he's spent his life in.

Truly, he is a caged bird, let free only a few times a year. Between ballet and skating, he hardly does anything besides cuddling with his dog and sleeping.

He doesn't have any friends, namely because he has too large a reputation. Beyond that, he has a secret too daring to be revealed in his home country.

Victor is not entirely confident in his ability to lie about himself with a smile in one breath and call those that he lies to friends in another. He's not so guileless as to trust his fellow skaters. They'd tell the media anything that they think would take him off of his pedestal, or so he's convinced himself.

Of course, people speculate, and he cannot, in good sense, tell them that every single rumor they spread about him under their breaths is true.

So, he smiles. It isn't easy. Some nights, he barely keeps from crying into his poodle's fur while he recounts his lonely days.

Makkachin is his sole confidant, and he is absolutely sure that he could not stand to be apart from her more than a couple weeks, or he would lose his mind. He can only be truthful with her because she can do nothing more than roll over and request that he rub her belly, or otherwise bark for attention.

//

Yakov yells at Victor for being too willful. He always scurries off after practice with a wave, winks at any up-and-coming skater with a twinkle in his eyes, and mouths off about his coach and his routine for any reporter that points a microphone at his mouth for longer than sixty seconds.

He doesn't particularly like learning or speaking fluent English, but it is a necessary skill at his competition level. It's just another burden.

It's not as though there's anyone outside of his personal tutor and coach to practice with. Once he masters that, he moves on and files it away for future interviews.

Until then, it is useless.

//

The case full of trophies and medals haunts him when he closes his eyes.

In the background, the news is playing an endless loop of that sparkling magenta number from the Grand Prix with never ending praise for their greatest star. He is the glory of his country, of his generation.

Victor is near to tears, because he's exhausted. He's tired of being the country's plaything.

He's never tired of listening to one quiet fan or smiling for pictures, but he's sure as hell tired of living a lie.

Ice blue eyes open to gaze at the gray ceiling vacantly while he puts one hand on a fluffy ear.

For the first time in many years, absolutely nothing comes to his mind.

He has thousands of routines racing through it, but none of them are right. He just...draws a blank.

There is a stark realization that moment.

_I am out of inspiration._

It keeps him paralyzed on the couch for hours.

//

Someone sends him a link to the viral video, which currently has over twenty million hits.

He kicks off his shoes and settles on the couch. Makkachin lies across his lap while he turns it on, not entirely sure what to expect. His rinkmates had simply told him that it would be funny and that it had involved his award-winning routine from the year.

From twenty seconds in, Victor is enthralled.

It takes him sixty more seconds to study the video, and before he knows it, four-some odd minutes have passed.

Without hesitating, he plays it three more times, noting every failed jump and every subtle, beautiful, fragile expression.

Victor can hardly breathe.

Someone - someone who clearly knows  _him_ even if he does not know them - has managed to portray Victor's most raw emotions better than Victor himself ever could have.

It is _captivating_.

//

Victor obtains an extended-stay visa in a ludicrously short period of time. The Japanese embassy is more than happy to have him fill out his paperwork and expedite it. He pays the moving fees for his things, arranges an early break from his lease, and buys plane tickets for himself and his dog.

Yakov yells at him until Victor is out of earshot, but Victor is so deliriously happy to be doing something different with his life for what feels like the first time in  _twenty-seven years_ that he tunes all of his sour words out.

Yuuri Katsuki is on the other side of the sea, and he'll be there too.

His mouth very nearly waters at the thrill of meeting the Japanese man.

//

When he finds Yuuri, he is so much more and so much less than he expected. Endlessly talented and quietly handsome, yes, but anyone with eyes could discover this in Yuuri's copycat video.

He is a quiet, ginger little man, so much more honest with his feelings. His brown eyes well with tears easily, and he smiles genuinely. His blushes are soft and fond and his admiration for Victor is written all over his face.

In encouraging Yuuri to open up, Victor inevitably finds himself opening up as well. He relaxes because he's no longer an athlete training in season. He's still the center of attention when they go to skating events, but he isn't  _meant_ to be. He can make all the excuses he wants about keeping close to Yuuri. He can hug him and run hands through his hair, kiss his cheeks, and pump his fists.

For once, Victor doesn't just have to drop his emotions and let go.

He comes because he is enthralled with Yuuri.

Victor stays because he becomes dependent on how refreshing an experience Yuuri is.

//

They learn how to motivate each other, how to care for each other, and similarly, how to break the other apart. They smile and cry and laugh together, fragile pieces of broken men.

Victor finds himself terrified at how much he truly cannot imagine life without Yuuri now. Yuuri is dazzling and open, full of vibrance and love and overflowing with passion in all aspects of his life.

Yuuri finds the confidence to pull Victor close, asking him not to go.

(The Russian does not manage to open his mouth and tell the Japanese man that he cannot possibly leave.)

//

Yuuri pulls his lies apart deftly, tearing down walls with an outrageous amount of shamelessness.

"Either you own up to the fact that you love everything about me," Yuuri says, medal gleaming proudly on his chest, wiping the hot tears from Victor's eyes, "Or you go back to who you were before all of this."

Victor manages to open his mouth this time. "I could never do that."

The shorter man smiles. "See? Anyone can change."

It is true. Yuuri has changed, remarkably so. Anyone who knew the mousy man of over a year ago would never believe who he has become. Of course, he's always had these aspects of his personality buried underneath the surface, because they didn't emerge over night. It just so happens that Victor has brought clarity to his world. He's taught him to see himself in a new light.

Mercifully, Yuuri has done the same for Victor.

Victor keeps crying, clutching the gold medal in his fist like it is his first. In a way, it  _is_. "I love you, Yuuri. All of you.  _Thank you_."

Yuuri kisses the crown of Victor's head, beginning to cry himself. "You're welcome."

//

They are so insecure and so broken and so full of tears and  _they make it work_.

They have so much work to do, and so little time, and many, many years to come.

_Together._

**Author's Note:**

> what do i even do with my life between weeks. literally what? wait for an ep and churn out a story in the meantime to burn off my crippling desire for more? gfdi
> 
>  
> 
> thanks everybody for reading my unedited stories that are just basically vats for dumping my feelings into bc i have no self control. i just love these boys. i love them :')


End file.
